So this is my big post, the first two don’t really count.
But anyway this is my evaluation. I originally intended to buy pies from at
least five different pie selling establishments, but my budget kind of put a
stop to that. I blame the economy. But the point is that I had a slightly
smaller sample size, so this boils down to a battle of supermarkets, Jewel vs.
Ultra Foods. I purchased two pies from each store, a normal apple pie and a Dutch
apple pie. I and my parents sampled all four and decided which was better in
the two categories. Here’s the breakdown:
Cost: The Jewel pies both cost five dollars, Ultra foods
charged five for the Dutch and four for the plain, so in cost Ultra Foods wins.
Appearance: For the plain pies the Jewel pie was a little
darker, it almost looked burnt, and kind of smelled like it too. For the Dutch
pies, when I cut into the Jewel Dutch pie something oozed out. I don’t mean
delicious pie filling. If you need to know what a Dutch apple pie is, it
differs from a normal pie because instead of a crust it’s covered with crumbly
goodness. This particular one had crumbs, and some kind of pale tan paste below
the crumbs. I guess the bakers didn’t know how to make crumbs hold together,
because when you heat up this pie for fifteen seconds in the microwave, this
paste liquefied. My mom says it’s a flour paste, I’m not sure but whatever it
was, I don’t trust it. I’m suspicious it may industrial waste or something
scraped off the bottom of some barrel.
This leads me to consistency. When you eat pie, it’s alright
if it falls apart a bit, but too much and you end up chasing it around your plate
with a fork. I don’t have time for that, when I eat pie I get focused. I get
intense. So this pie better hold itself together, because there’s no bigger
frustration than getting excited for a mouthful of pie to watch it fall off the
fork and force you to start all over again. Jewel basically served gloop in a
pie tin and expected me not to notice. If you’re thinking this seems to be a
one sided review, well I haven’t even gotten to taste yet.
Taste: Are you really surprised by now? I’m sure you can
guess what I’m going to say, but Jewel did not win. If Jewel had only a bakery
they wouldn’t last a day. Their pie was astoundingly bad, and I would say it
was made by monkeys, if I wasn’t so fond of monkeys. I don’t want to insult the
good chimp name. Seriously this was a pie that I could not finish. I couldn’t
even get passed one bite. This is me, I’ll eat almost anything, and I’ll eat
things that are borderline trash. And I love pie more than any other food. But
I would eat food out of trash before eating that pie again, and while it hurts
me to throw away pie, the trash is exactly where it ended up. Jewel committed
food sin.
On a lighter note the Ultra food pie had a rich cinnamon
flavor and the plain pie was flaky and the apples were crisp. I went back for
seconds. I would recommend putting it into the microwave for more than fifteen
seconds if you want the center to be warmed through. I also suggest ice cream
because apple pie gets lonely on a plate. But the point is Ultra food has some
pretty good pie. Maybe not baker Square good, but it is cheaper and right by
the frozen food section, perfect for that impulse buy.
Sorry this turned into a Jewel bashing thing. It was
supposed to be a pie sampler of every pie selling establishment in Joliet. But
my wallet and my blood sugar couldn’t take the hit, this was actually a death match
between the two establishments closest to my house. Also I don’t really hate
Jewel. They do other nice things. At bigger supermarkets the run in to get milk
takes longer. And Jewel makes the best chicken strips on earth hands down. If
they ever hire me to redesign their business I will demolish their travesty of
a bakery and make the deli twice as big. They should really stick to what their
good at.
I wish this was more competitive, but Ultra foods won.
